Friday, November 13, 2015

Paranoia, Paranoia, Injury’s Coming To Get Me...

This week I am finally in the groove. Real training. There have been a of couple signs over the last few weeks that things were returning to business as usual, but this week it’s undeniable. I am running like a normal, injury-free Teal. I love routines and I’m finally officially back in mine:

Back to track practice,



And shockingly, right on cue, back to paranoia.

Paranoia, paranoia...  
I’m a worrier, a major one. (I had never really considered how loving routines and worrying went together, but then I took the Believe Training Journal “Worrier or Warrior?” quiz. I knew I’d get worrier, but it was basically a joke how ridiculously well the traits fit me. And loving routine is one of them!)

After a few days of "I’m Back, Baby" Euphoria, the worries set in. What if I hurt myself? I know I’ve talked about those fears here already and I don’t want to belabor the point, but honestly… It’s. All. I. Can. Think. About.

More than any other race, I don’t want to sit out the Trials. This is what I’ve worked for over the last decade, what if I screw it up and can’t race?

I actually lost sleep over this last night, which is ludicrous for two reasons: 1. Actually getting the proper amount of sleep will help prevent injuries and 2. Staying up worrying about it won’t do anything. (Yes, of course I’m consciously aware of that fact, but it doesn’t help.)

I’m trying to do everything I can to stay healthy: eat right, sleep enough, do my core exercises, foam roll, etc. I’ve modeled my training plan after the one that got me successfully to the start and finish of CIM and I am trying to learn from mistakes in my training for Grandma’s. But sometimes injuries can be freak accidents. Or they can be bubbling under the surface without any sign until one day: BAM. It’s over. (My stress reaction was that way.)

I can’t not train. I can’t skip every workout for fear that it will be the one that sets me over the edge. But I'm also aware that I can’t do as much as I’d like. (Here’s a superpower I’d want: to be able to run AS MUCH AS I WANT and not get injured. Oh the joy! The freedom! The miles and miles and miles! I’d take the blisters, the exhaustion, the chafing, if I just stayed healthy…)

Alas, we’re not invincible, and a healthy fear of injury can keep us healthy. 

But still, I’m feeling a little too vincible these days. I’m trying to remind myself to be grateful and to thank God for getting me this far and healthy again. I’m doing all I can... now to just stop worrying and go the fudge to sleep.

Dream big,
Teal

9 comments :

  1. I think you should ask yourself what would be worse - crossing the finish line last at the olympic trials or not running it at all? Assuming not running would be the worst, then why not think of the trials as a "fun" race? I looked at the 2012 results and 92 women finished in 2:43 or slower. The slowest was 3:07. What if you approached this race with the only goal being to enjoy every single minute of it and intentionally ran at a slower pace? Honestly, you've already achieved the goal of qualifying. The trials is now the reward for that. It's your victory lap! Enjoy it!!

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    1. Yes, others have had the same idea as you. It would be worse not to run at all, I can't deny that. But also the fun (for me) is in the training and the challenge of seeing what I can do and the #dreamingbig. Just calling it in wouldn't be fun for me. (And I honestly don't know if it would be enough to get me out of bed to train!) I'm trying to rein it in a little, but going in with the plan of running slow isn't me.

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  2. As a very recreational runner, it's relieving to know that speedsters like you have the same concerns as us mere mortals. I got injured last summer pretty badly and it made me paranoid- paranoid to the point that I was a race-day registrant for about 6 months!

    The first few workouts back were tough, but after awhile, my confidence level went up. My injury was one of those "shit happens" injuries and it helped to mentally admit that yes, shit happens sometimes, but I can't let that stop me from training, running, and living a happy life. Ultimately all of us are running for personal achievement and because we enjoy it, anyway :).

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    1. Thanks, Amy. Yes, the paranoia is there for everyone to endure!! You're right, I can't let the fear of missing out on something I enjoy stop me from enjoying it!

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  3. A wise runner I know (initials TC) explained that I shouldn't attempt to console racers by pointing out how many runners they beat because they are looking forward at how many runners beat them. I guess we might say competitive instincts are a blessing...and a curse.

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    1. This TC really seems to know what he's talking about ;-)

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  4. You worry and stress about it because it matters to you. You care about the trials, especially because of all of the hard work it took for you to get there. No one can fault for that at all. It does matter, it is an accomplishment to get there but I also get the whole not wanting to just sandbag it either. It can be a victory lap for you getting there, but also be a strong effort at the same time.

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    1. Thanks for understanding, Laura! You are exactly right :)

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  5. Oh, the injury paranoia! I can definitely relate. Sounds like you've got the right idea though - control the things you can (sleep, eat healthy, etc.) and try not to stress about the things out of your control. I know it's easier said than done. That being said, try to enjoy the journey along the way - you are training to run in an AMAZING event that is the culmination of your hard work for many years! Celebrate that but enjoy the buildup as well - like Laura said, this is your victory lap!! :)

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